Last week, I started to see the #Me too posts all over Facebook. I was not surprised at how widespread this is… sexual assault, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, molestation, rape, it’s truly rampant! Stop and think about this for a moment, you or someone you know has been sexually abused at some point in their life. Digest that for a moment, let it really sink in. It’s alarming isn’t it?
For the most of my life, I have been healing from sexual abuse that started at a very young age. This truth about me certainly was something that I would delete if I could. I imagine this to be like the old tv show Bewitched, where the main character, Samantha, who was a “witch” would wiggle her nose making things vanish. Yet as much as I healed, this trauma was still very much apart me.
I finally realized over a year ago, that I had been running from this all my life. Did I really think I could get away from it? I was angry that after all this time, there were still parts of me that still had to heal. I dug in (on my own and with help from others), to unravel old patterns and beliefs. This left me feeling vulnerable and raw in the process. Yet I was understanding myself more and more, and how old programs or patterns that I unconsciously created as a survival mechanism were no longer necessary, in fact they were holding me back from experiencing life as fully as I wanted to. Unconsciously, unknowingly, these “programs” would continue to run in my life. Until I had an epiphany, which was simply, that I could choose to change.
Breaking those programs was hard, painful, uncomfortable and freaking scary at times. Yet, also powerful, as I was choosing to grow. In that growing, I came to understand that all the guilt and shame that I carried for years, was never mine to begin with. I had done nothing wrong. There was nothing for me to be ashamed of. While this will always be a part of me, my past does not define me, however it certainly set me on a path to become who I am today.
I never really considered that because of these experiences, there were blessings to be grateful for, such as… I am strong, compassionate, kind, caring… I am also sensitive and passionate. I am forgiving, something that after so many years of being angry, I finally understood what Buddha meant when he said, “Holding on to Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Letting go and forgiving set me free from the self-imposed prison in my mind.
Truth is, I love who I am now and how I continue to evolve. I strive to live, to be in the NOW as much as possible. Fully accepting and loving all of me, the way I am – perfectly imperfect, as we all are.
The #Me too movement from my perspective is about awareness, claiming your voice, being seen, and taking back your power. I AM, are you?
“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli